Post Birthday Blues

Before I begin, can I just ask you to watch this video of me my cousins and an old friend making a complete and utter fool of ourselves in our young and carefree days...

Anyway back to what this post is actually about!

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Friday nights are perfect for birthdays! People always complain about having birthdays on mondays or during the week when every club you go to is dead or people have other things going on which means they can't make it, so it's safe to conclude that everybody loves friday and saturday birthdays!

Well I turned 19 on friday and my experience was not one of immense happiness or uncontainable drunkenness, my day was extremely mediocre and quite frankly a huge disappointment! Firstly I should probably start with telling you the reason this year was so shit in the 'birthday department,' I am grounded. Yep I probably know what you are thinking 'you are legally an adult in the UK how can you be grounded' and my response to that is simply 'I want a bed to sleep in at night so I follow the rules' (well to some extent of course otherwise I wouldn't be grounded!) Anyway back to the point, I have been grounded since early August and for me that means no leaving the house unless for work or college, no laptop unless I need it for a specific reason and 'forget to return it' and no phone, period. So imagine that, an 18 year old girl (now 19) has been cooped up since then, no fun, no phone, no life.

Back to my birthday blues; the day was a complete failure if I'm honest, I went on a college ecology trip where I learnt nothing and spent all day in the cold and slightly wet/muggy atmosphere counting plant species. Obviously I was not amused! After a long day of pointlessness I walked home only to find that I then had to cook for myself and my guardian because she wasn't feeling too well, which is perfectly understandable seeing as we are on the odds anyway I wasn't particularly pleased to spending my birthday with her. (Not that it is always bad, I believe sometimes she finds it in herself to have a heart and pretend she doesn't loathe me). So, I cooked and ate alone, went to my room alone, got into bed alone and before I knew it, it was midnight and all I had accomplished on my birthday was a counselling session (for a friend who needed advice- not that I would listen to me if I were him) and eating through a bag of white maltesers. So much for celebrating the fact that you were born and have lived another year instead of dying prematurely!!

As you can see, my birthday was not all birthday's are cracked up to be! However I have got to say things were not all bad! I got to spend time with my closest friends who happened to be on the trip (if they weren't I think I would have fallen so deep into a pit of depression that not even chocolate could dig me out) and bless them they got me the cutest necklace as a present! (The only present I got by the way... seems the family are holding out on me - for a little while at least, think I might be getting them on my sisters birthday- I hope). Another thing that had me grinning from ear to ear was the birthday video my sweety Layla and Lea made me! God you have got to love how sweet people can be, and how the smallest things can actually make a huge difference!

So it seems that another year has gone by yet I still feel the same way that I did two years ago; It's funny how life can change so much, from the tiniest changes like tanned skin to the huge ones like location and friendships your emotions stay the exact same until you find something that will change them for good. I feel unaccomplished in life not because I have finished living but because I don't know how to live.