To her it seems that every truth spoken is a lie in the making, every good intention is fueled by personal need, every kind hand is there to groom for personal gain and every mistake was born from a genuine evil thought or deed. To her right is wrong and there is no shade of grey between black and white; it makes me wonder if perhaps somewhere along the line maybe in her teenage years she had her heart so irrevocably broken that it resulted in turning her into the cold heart-ed person she is today. Or maybe there was no nurturing effect that led to her current state of mind maybe instead it was nature, she was born to be exactly who she is today - malicious and hurtful. It is quite sad to think that anyone was born to carry so much hate, but there is no other explanation that can be conjured up that would make sense, none that I could think of anyway.
Perhaps it was adulthood that screwed her up like it has done to so many that came before her, maybe she wasn't prepared for the stages that confront you after you grow up, or maybe she was overwhelmed with them. What I truly don't understand however is her hatred towards naive children that make mistakes, maybe she can't remember the feeling of naivety or even childhood stupidity, maybe factors in her life have hardened her towards it whatever the reasoning she has no empathy or understanding whatsoever. This directly conflicts my empathetic trait and I find myself rebelling against the idea of being so cold, yet nothing seems to phase her. Now I'm not very good at retelling personal stories, or jokes for that matter so I won't try and give you examples, I believe in doing so I will detract from the actually emotions being felt at the time. Which is ironic really, when its a matter regarding anyone other persons life (not involving me) I am able to tell stories and retell information in minutes flat without hesitation. I seem to have sidetracked, so maybe I should tell you a little bit more about her. She is a parent without ever having kids and she is so family orientated that you can not find where one sibling ends and the other begins, yet when it comes to interacting with the notorious 'bad apples' within any family she completely closes up, no understanding, no care and no love. No matter the severity of a persons transgression, she dehumanizes them, maybe this helps her keep her emotions in check, keep her sane inside her hate filled head but the moment you subtract humanity out of any situation the icy condition that you are left with is beyond words. I find this is the situation I am faced with whenever I am left in a room alone with her, my compassionate nature refuses to be diminished or stolen by heartless cruelty or needless name calling, instead I endure and I go on because I have to, we all have to.
Living in war torn countries is hard, living in unstable homes is hard, living anywhere where you don't feel safe or at 'home' is difficult but everyone perseveres because although we preach liberty and freedom, giving the people a voice nobody has a choice. Dependency makes us weak and therefore we are caught in a vortex trying to piece together a puzzle that never had all the pieces in the first place, we believe we need support we wish for it and when we are given none we crumble as if we never were. We are what we were made to be, yet we fill no potential and nothing is truly yours, maybe the cynic is rubbing off on me.
No comments:
Post a Comment