Graduation

I graduated Friday night... One thing I have to say is it fell short of my expectations by far. I don't know why, maybe I had been dreaming and planning the night for so long that when it actually came around all I could feel was numb.
The expectations that I had were dragged down hard; I assume now that I was expecting some sort of closure and instead was greeted with a hollowness I have never felt before.
Don't get me wrong the event was beautiful, the company was amazing; but the thoughts running through my head were disappointing; after all it was the end of everything. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't shake the thought that this was the last time I would be in the same room as this group of amazing people. This is the last time I'd be in the same room as Robert. These were the thoughts that kept me haunted and numb throughout, and the very same thoughts that led to the down pour of tears that came at the closing of the night.

Trouble was, I was planning on spending the evening saying everything I never got a chance to, making the last hours count for something, but instead I followed my family home and cried. I couldn't say goodbye properly to the people that mean the most to me in my life and instead of a night of magic, I found myself trapped inside myself unable to express what I really felt, the heartache that really haunted me.

Maybe if I had gone out with everyone else that last time, the night wouldn't have felt so lonely but I didn't so all I can do is hope that this isn't in fact the last time I see the people at Braeburn; cos I know for sure if it was, it would be a great loss to me to lose such friends and such a boyfriend. I know they say no-one is lost forever, but goodbye's are always the hardest; especially when it's not ready to be said.

Well I suppose everyone has to say goodbye at some point but then they can always come back and say hello again, and so it's that which keeps me strong and wishing for the future. Damn I'm gonna miss this place!

Time is supposed to heal all wounds and answers all questions. So I guess all I have to do is wait....

What I've realised is everything has changed and nothing can be the same forever.... I'll be looking back on this place, on my time here and I'll be thinking....

Goodbye Tanzania
Peace Out
xxx