That Elephant in the Room

Have you ever been in love? Or at least thought you were in love? I’m sure you must have experienced that emotion at some stage of your life, unless of course you are still a pubescent with plenty of time to contemplate even trying to experience such ‘intense’ emotions. Have you noticed that I’ve written ‘intense’ in quotation marks, well I did that because for some reason in the eyes of most living homo-sapiens love connotes to or eventually leads to sex. 

Yes, you assumed right, sex is that elephant in the room that I referred to in the title which is unfortunately present in every relationship, be it in its fledgling stage or miles down the road.  In my blogging years I have attempted to understand and discuss topics such as rules, innocence and loneliness (among others) yet I have always refrained from discussing the issue of sex and all its expectations; maybe it was because previously I had common sense to think that people probably wouldn’t be comfortable reading it. However society as shown me that sex is no longer a taboo subject, instead it possesses the classroom and smothers the minds of people worldwide; I know this for a fact because in English Literature we are currently focusing on ‘Love through the Ages’ and a constant if not obsessive theme is sex.

These lessons helped me realize just how far things have changed, how far we have come over the years, we are no longer in the dark ages where to talk about matters of a sexual nature was unheard of if not punishable. But as a free woman accessing her right to free speech I believe it is something I must address. I’m sure that is enough of introduction for people to turn away if they imagine themselves becoming uncomfortable or just for the simple fact they don’t have any interest in reading this, so now down to the actually ‘in depth’ review of love and sex.

Immediately when you begin a new relationship you know from the outset that at some point you are going to have to have sex with your partner, it is of course the way of life and somewhat unavoidable. (Perfect moment to say – Nobody dies a virgin …life fucks us all – Kurt Cobain). People can prolong the process of doing the deed or the relationship can break down before it happens but at the end of the day it’s not a real relationship if it’s never consummated, like marriages not consummating the ‘deal’ leaves the whole thing completely null and void. So yes, you screw the brains out of the person you ‘love,’ I say love in inverted comma’s because women of the looser variety tend to use the word love to justify their legs being a tunnel that any Tom, Dick and Harry may access not that I have anything against enjoying the sexual liberation women never used to feel. But this is where my main issue appears, why is it necessary to consummate a marriage or a relationship for that matter? I understand that at some stage the world would need to repopulated if nobody ever had sex however for the time being what is the actually reason that a relationship has to be sexual? Everyone is perfectly happy having sex and loving it but what happens when someone gets hurt? Or when sex becomes nothing but an impassioned way to possess someone, to stake ownership or purely to make someone feel cheap and dirty?

Men profess love for easy access and the whole institution of idealistic love that most girls once dreamt of is lost. Women crave an idealized view of love and are sorely disappointed when after a one night stand they wake up alone. To me this seems like a lose/lose situation, instead of anybody winning all we get is an increase number of sexual transmitted diseases and people feeling like they are being used as a sex object. Now I do not deny that I have often viewed both girls and boys as sex objects, yet unlike most I’ve refrain from actually having sex with them and treating them as such. Sex really is just two individuals involving in penetrative sexual acts, most commonly the insertion of a man's erect penis into a woman's vagina, typically culminating in orgasm and the ejaculation of semen (not that I am in any way homophobic, I am just stating the rough definition). There is nothing whatsoever that indicates that sex is an expression of love, instead porn movies take away the element that is ‘making love’ and turn it into a simple act of in and out motions. Even books like 50 Shades of Grey, which I have read by the way, take away the element of love; even though people categories it as romance all anyone can actually perceive is the idea that the book and books of the same nature are just ‘porn for housewives.’  

Relationships just aren’t as beautiful as you see in the movies, and more often than not you don’t get what you thought you would, it’s a struggle and one kiss after another and you realize you’ve given it up only to lose it all. I’ve just realized that I sound like I am totally against sex and love and I wish to ban it in today’s society but honestly I don’t, I understand from various sources that love, real love, can make you feel a happiness you never thought was possible, love is inspirational and wholesome in its purest form. And as for sex, they say that the act itself is beyond pleasurable when done right.  Anyway, instead of a worldwide ban what I am trying to say is; no pressure, less expectations, and please for god sake make sure that the person actual means something to you. (WARNING the last piece I have to say, I am sure that most red blooded males will have an issue with) – Because there is nothing worse than meaningless sex that leaves you feeling sated physically but used and empty inside.